Saving Your Marriage: It's Usually Up To You

Once upon a time I had a friend named Jim. He was married to a lovely lady named Donna. They fought all the time. “If I could just get rid of Donna I'd be the happiest man on earth,” Jim muttered to anyone who would listen to him..
“Why won't she leave?” I asked Jim one day.
“She can't,” he replied. “I can't afford a bus ticket.”
Bus tickets were cheap back then. I reached into the cash register and pulled out a stack of twenties. “Here's the money for a bus ticket.”
With a big grin on his face Jim reached out for the money. Suddenly his hand jerked back. “Wait a minute. If I send Donna home to her mother somebody else will get to marry her.”
“So?”
“She's the greatest woman I have ever known.” Jim was so shocked that he paused to think about what he had just said, then shook his head. “I guess I'd better straighten up, huh?”

It is a lucky man who quits telling himself how unfortunate he is before his wife leaves him.

It takes courage to keep a marriage going. It takes courage from both sides of the marriage. The determination not to be swayed by the lows and downs of a relationship mirrors strength and integrity, not to mention the ability to see beyond one’s personal unhappiness.

None of us has all the answers, but all of us must have the desire to avoid divorce if we are to curb this national and International disgrace. It is my hope that you will take some of my thoughts, add your own spiritual insights and build a stronger marriage with them.

Anyone who believes that dissolving their marriage would make them happier probably attributes the failure of the marriage to their spouse.
Blaming the other party makes it more convenient to just walk away.

Our modern society has become a disposable society. This state is reflected in our ability to DELETE and PURGE and SHRED what we no longer need. And when our once beloved partner is no longer of use to us, we call our lawyer and instruct him/her to initiate divorce proceedings.

I don't believe every marriage can be saved. I don't believe every marriage should be saved. I do believe the best time to save a marriage is before you even think about living together. We've all seen girls that would marry anyone to get away from home. We've all seen boys that would marry anyone that smiles and says they are cute. It is unfortunate that these kind of people never seem to marry each other. Then again, maybe if we looked in the mirror a little harder we'd see one more person that is all too willing to accept anyone that puts on a happy face when they meet us.

Truth is, divorce has an ugly side to it even when entered into with the best of intentions. Divorce un-builds and undoes what took years to nurture, and sadly, often the only people who benefit from it are greedy lawyers who will use every trick in the book to divest the other party of assets, until no remnant of the person’s investment – physical, monetary and emotional – remains.

While divorcing couples spend all their mental energies accusing the other of causing hurt and disharmony in the union, they forget that the children suffer in double, even triple dosages. Couples forget that the sentiments of children are more fragile and harder to mend.

This is when the concept of human selfishness and self-centeredness become transparent. It’s odd how the true character of people comes out when they’re the principal actors in a divorce.

The Unpleasant Side of Divorce


Getting married is nothing but entering into a contract any more - and it’s probably the easiest contract to break because divorce laws have made it easy for husband and wife to walk out when they go through an unhappy period in their life, albeit temporary. John Crouch, Executive Director of Americans for Divorce Reform, says that marriage is the most important economic contract of our lives and it is no longer legally protected.

Just think – lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contract relations or between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but they leap at the chance to help couples break up the family unit. Crouch says that marriage is the only contract that anyone can break, at any time, and not be held responsible for it.

“So getting married in America is like doing business in Russia. Everything is up for grabs, everything is constantly renegotiated, and nobody has to keep their word. I think that makes for a lot of unhappy marriages.” John Crouch, Executive Director. Americans for Divorce Reform, Arlington, Virginia. www.divorceform@usa.net

Divorce can be economically damaging not only for the state but also for couples. Consider these figures: US divorces cost the country $33 billion annually or $312.00 per household; The average divorce in America costs state and federal governments $30,000 in direct and indirect costs.
Direct costs to the state include child support enforcement, Medicaid payments, temporary assistance to needy families fund (TANF), food stamps and public housing assistance.

To the couple, divorce costs about $18,000 and this would include lost work productivity, relocation costs and legal fees that vary immensely, depending on the nature of the divorce and the situation of the couple. David G. Schramm, Utah State University, USA. The Emotional Costs of Divorce

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